Respect

Tom Barnard

 had lunch today with a friend. He and I were faculty colleagues at a Christian college about thirty years ago. He was the athletic director and men’s basketball coach. I was the dean of students. He commented on how much college students have changed over the past 25 years or so. Now kids come into the classroom with their cell phones, their Blackberrys, their laptops, and less respect for the educational process than they should have. He said, “Years ago you were expected to just teach; today you have to entertain.”

I was not surprised. Kids were different then than they are now—today technology reigns, along with an attitude that may be appropriately described as “secular.” Maybe we should follow the advice of Pope John XXIII: “See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little.” No thanks. I’ll stay retired.

During my eighteen years in student development work, I saw mostly the hard cases. Associate deans took care of the minor problems—roommate conflicts, theft of an item belonging to someone else, dress code violations (yes, we did have a dress code thirty years ago), and chapel fines. The academic dean took care of the problems related to cheating, class attendance, and plagiarism. I got the winners —hazing incidents, guys hanging out in girls’ dorm rooms, suspected substance abuse, pranks gone bad, and issues that were moral in nature.

I remember a particularly testy conversation I had in my office with a coed who was very upset over something that was silly in nature. She made the mistake of using a four-letter word that I often heard during my military career but never expected to hear in a conversation with a college student on a Christian campus. She didn’t even blink when the word flew out of her mouth. I abruptly stood, motioned toward the door, and quietly said, “This conversation is over.” She was stunned. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Did I say something wrong?” I quickly answered, “Yes you did. You disrespected me by assuming I would put up with language that is insulting to me. Disrespect is not tolerated in this office.” She never visited my office with a complaint again.

Respect for one another should always be high on the list of conduct that is expected among Christians. It implies a certain reverence for others. Stephen Covey nails it down with these words:

“Every human being from cradle to coffin responds to respect, responds to people who see and draw out their hidden potential. You see it in their countenance; you hear it in their voice. No, they may not all turn into physical beauties…but their inner beauty will shine in ways that I believe will significantly influence their physical presence and bring new light to their eyes.”

We live in an interdependent world.  As Reuben Welch correctly said, “We really do need each other.” None of us is totally independent of everyone else. Centuries ago the English Jacobean poet, minister, and Dean of St. Paul’s wrote a passage that has been quoted in every century since then:

“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were. Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee….”

The English is dated, but the meaning is clear. We cannot live totally to ourselves, and we cannot die totally to ourselves. What we are and what we do influences others. Some of us may be more sociable than others, but we are part of a culture. Therefore, we must learn how to get along with others—where we live, where we work, and where we worship. Those who seem to benefit the most out of life are those who value, cultivate, celebrate, and capitalize on the differences that exist among us.